We start off our gamebook adventures with a TRULY OUTRAGEOUS gamebook. It's Jewels in the Dark, starting Jem of The Holograms fame. It's very much in the choose your own adventure format; there's no system to speak of. More shockingly, there's no interior illustrations, which seems a bit odd for a book based on a cartoon. It's part of the Find Your Fate – Jem series, which somehow managed to run for six books. The eighties was a strange and terrifying time. Anyway, you are Jem when you aren't being Jerrica Benton, President of Starlight Music. Several issues spring to mind here. What kind of name is Jerrica? Isn't being the President of your own record company likely to lead to a conflict of interest when you promote your own records at the expense of other artists or the roster? And how did anybody not guess Jem was Jerrica? Let's have a look at Jem both in and out of her super secret identity. Goddammit Jem, you could have least have changed your top. It should be noted that according to Jem canon this disguise is good enough to completely fool her boyfriend Rio, who feels guilty for having a fling with Jem while going out with Jerrica despite the fact they're OBVIOUSLY THE SAME FUCKING PERSON. Anyway, Jem is in New York promoting a jewellery company and that's where our story begins. We have a rather creepy photographer called Richard constantly telling us to smile. We'll decide if we smile, thank you Richard. But we've been promoting this new advertising campaign for several days with everything going well. But then we hear a crash as the lights topple to the ground! It's our arch rivals, the Misfits. Pizzazz, Stormer and Roxy. (Roxy feels like she draw the short straw in the bad rock star naming lottery). They insult us a bit, but we refuse to rise to the occasion because we are professionals and we have a job to do. And punching Pizzazz in front of our new employer strikes us as a bad idea. And the rest of the week goes smoothly, as it describes more fashion shoots with Richard the overly familiar photographer. Then it's the night of the Saturday publicty party. Which naturally Pizzazz decides to turn up to and be mean again. Maybe we should have punched her? But then famous pop star David Michael Springer turns up and invites us to a joint tour. Naturally, because we are in fact a pop star and not a model we say yes. At which point the book ends because “since you left town the mystery never happens”. TRULY OUTRAGEOUS Cause of Death: Well, technically we didn't die. We made a sensible career decision and apparently that is not the way of the Hologram. RHI SAYS:
If modelling had been my main job and music been my side hustle I'd have stayed behind for jewels because that would have been my main job. But instead I was a pop star doing modelling as my side hustle. Why wouldn't I do my main job? It gave me no motivation to follow the main plot. I want to play CYOA's with women protagonists and there aren't enough around but this felt like a lazy cash in.
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